5 Things I Learned in the "Year After"

I worked 7am to 9pm for the year after graduation... here's what I would tell the next student.

Coming out of college is tough, in any profession, especially if you realize part of the way through that the cut and dry job won't be your future. What can I say? It happens to the best of us.

I was a promising teaching candidate, but I had a hard wake up call in my 4th year as I found myself gravitating away from the classroom. So I did the logical thing - I graduated and jumped right back into academia, only knowing the life of a student and desperate to keep something in my life constant.

I burnt out after 6 credits. Wrong degree. Wrong time. Wrong Caroline.

Met with my reality, it was time to assess what I knew:

• I have a degree in music education.

• Two substitute teaching clearances.

• A background in childcare.

• And I know a bit about running a business.

Having written all of this out on a paper and staring at it for a long while.

I remember thinking: "Maybe, I was indeed prepared for a time like this."

So I threw myself into subbing 3 to 5 days a week; continuing to teach private lessons after school, my work for a local marching band, occasionally performing on my own on the weekends, and taking the odd job here and there. My days frequently beginning around 4:30am and ending somewhere around 10pm... I was utterly exhausted and often spent my Sundays sick, tired, or barely functioning.

I was 22. What can I say? I figured I'd be able to sustain it as long as I wasn't miserable in an office.

And while I had amazing highs, the crashes that followed came hard.

With what I know now, here's what I'd tell the new music graduate who is walking into the unknown.

No. 1: If you don't choose to make time for rest, your body will choose the timing for you.

Now, I know what you're thinking:

"But Caroline! Music school made me indestructible!"

Darling, you will be in your 20s for such a short while. Stop and smell the roses...

I left music school resenting my instrument, with a terrible sleep schedule, caffeine dependency, and a playing injury from stress. Your body will only sustain this for so long - don't let it take a hospital visit to make you listen.

It seems so easy to press through things, but listen to your body.

In a profession that has promoted tire, burnout, injury and called it a prize - be aware of yourself. You want to be in music longer than a few golden years... trust me. Stick around for the good part.

No.2: Saying "No" doesn't make you less reliable. And if people don't respect that, they aren't worth working with/for.

How many times have I been here?

It's the middle of the month, I'm at my wits end and I get an offer to add another little 2 hour gig in the mix of an already busy weekend. Saying no doesn't feel quite like an option as this is a group I perform with pretty regularly and "this opportunity just presented itself this week!". Drafting the email to the group leader is a force of habit... but what if I told you that you don't have to say yes to everything?

If I said yes and showed up to this gig, my prep would be done on half effort and my mood would scream frazzled.

No one wants to be around that. I repeat - No. One.

The magic word in this situation?

"No."

College me would be crying while trying to figure out a way to make it work.

Presently, I've lived a tiny bit more and have learned lots in that bit of time, so I'd send a reply and let the band leader know that I can't accommodate that opportunity with my current commitments. I'm happy that they reached out and would be excited for the next opportunity. If they know me, they'd probably just thank me for getting back to them and contact me when the next chance comes around. And if they don't know me, but respect my answer as a professional - they will come back.

Don't waste your energy worrying about people who lack respect for the person behind the profession.

End of story.

No.3: Being busy doesn't mean you're getting paid.

Ding. DING. DING.

Someone had to say it - so it may as well be me.

If your schedule is loaded but you are barely making it, it might be time to reassess some of those little gigs that don't quite pay more than the travel time and gas to get there!

I understand the desire to stay in your field - music on the outside of university can be sooo fulfilling.

But this is your livelihood now, so it's more than ok to say "No, I can't commit to this as the pay is not conducive to my preparation and travel time."

Make a list of things that pay and one of things that you enjoy. Cross reference the two, and see what time and energy are left to keep some of the things that fill your cup. Don't keep running on empty for the sake of doing things...

I'm rooting for you!

No.4: Build your table.

Oh boy... This one's a heavy hitter.

I spent a great portion of my education being told that I needed to work for something specific or act a certain way so I could "get a seat at a certain table." And it always seemed that no matter how hard I worked and how much I showed up, those tables were still unreachable or those seats were always full. A little update on how that's going...

First: I got tired.

Then: I got real.

And finally: I just walked away.

Doing this was one of the best decisions of my career. Those tables aren't meant for everyone. Maybe they're meant for the sum average of a group...

And so it turns out - there are others who pay attention to your details.

Other people see how you show up.

Others who will notice how you commit and the work you put in to be consistent.

When you consistently show up, people see that you are worth showing up for.

I won't say to "build your circle" per say, because showing up consistently and - get this - being a genuine and reliable person attracts the kind of people who desire a seat at the table with you.

This isn't high school anymore... surround yourself with people who reciprocate your energy, respect your morals and challenge your abilities.

"You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with" has never applied so much...

Darling, surround yourself with people:

Some smarter.

Others more stubborn.

They might go with the flow.

Or be more meticulous.

Some might even be those who fly by the seats of their pants.

But you will find those so taken with the rawest version of you, that you can't help but feel wide open in your element when you're working with them.

I promise they're out there. Just stay authentically you.

No.5: Keep one foot in something outside of work.

I can hear the gasp... save the pearl clutching for someone who will play into the delulu. Cause she ain't me.

It's literally impossible for a flame to be fueled by itself. Flames breathe and burn as long we fuel them... don't let your professional fire be burning on the oxygen you breathe. Your existence alone will not fuel your passions.

Find at least one thing outside of music that sets your soul on fire.

Darling, it's not gonna hurt ya. I promise. If anything, you might find yourself inspired and refreshed, when you come back to the craft after shifting a bit of your focus away.

It's ok to not eat, sleep, breathe music... in case you needed the permission.

If you've made it to the end... here's your reminder that you're doing great. Hopefully this is a starting grounds for those walking blind, a hand up to those feeling cut down, and a reminder that the drawing board is never the end result, but teeming with new beginnings.

Here's your homework: Go forth and seize the days ahead.

They won't be easy.

They might be long.

But you were made for a time such as this.

Musically yours and forever cheering you on,

P. S. 

On instagram, @Caroline.N.Winds remains a slice of solace -- a place where we redefine our differences and discuss our passions, but the Caroline N. Winds Blog will be here for every musician who needs a moment to breathe and feel understood. Letters may vary in who they are addressed to, but this is still the same safe space for all.💙