In the Space Between

The time after college in the world between the music classroom and business.

Original posting date: October 25th, 2023

So... jumping into the classroom the August after graduation just wasn't in the cards for me. Oh well. I jumped into grad school the day after I walked the stage and exhausted myself in a way 4 years of undergrad had never shown me. And within 6 credits, I was walking away - a ball of stress and uncertainty.

I sat down, took a look at the numbers and made a plan for this weird year ahead - subbing, lessons, working as a tech... I was going to make it work somehow.

And as I've made it through the first few months of this, there's some recurring questions that come with my line(s) of work, so I thought I'd share a few and my thoughts on them:

"Doesn't that(*subbing*) make you feel like less of a teacher?"

Absolutely not. I help enable my colleagues and friends to take a day - personal or sick - with the knowledge that there is someone in their classroom who is continuing to keep up the work they've been focusing on.

"Does it mean you don't like teaching anymore?"

I never said that. I teach in a different capacity than most of my friends and colleagues, but I still have a passion for education and the classroom. You'll find that I often rehearse and give feedback to people when I spend some time in their classrooms, I don't sit around and waste the days. Directors will send me rehearsal plans and lists of things they'd like me to focus on. I prioritize getting good work done - circumstances acknowledged, I am a completely different teacher and there will always be bumps - in the time I am there.

"Don't you get tired of jumping around?"

Sometimes, but I know that the variety of my job works for me. It certainly is not for everyone though.

I do occasionally miss the consistency of staying in one class and having a specific group of students to call my own... but those moments are fleeting and I find that I enjoy the adventure of meeting students and seeing all the wonderful cultures built by my colleagues. Ultimately, being part of the growth and supporting their programs is one of my greatest joys.

"Has the novelty worn off yet?"

Lemme breathe for a moment before answering... cause I need a moment to process the audacity.

Please stop acting like my livelihood isn't valid... it's not a game nor something I do for fun. This question is one of my least favorites and one that frustrates me more than I can explain. I understand that I'm a variance to the norm - I have a teaching license but I don't use it as you would expect me to - but it isn't a novelty or game to me...

"Don't you know you won't be able to keep doing this forever?"

I'll only be in my 20s for so long - so I'm using the energy while I've got it. Besides, I have goals and I use my flexible schedule to chunk out time and invest in myself. Let me work... your past didn't define your present, so please don't make my future about this present frame.

These questions are but a few of the most common questions I'm asked about my career. There's plenty of others... but I thought I'd share these as a reminder to those making their own spaces and building their tables. Fix your crown, take a breath and don't waste your time explaining yourself away to those who weren't intending to listen. Some just want to distract you with talking in hopes you'll lose track of your finish line.

This year is a weird combination of trying to do what I love, loving what it is I do, and not going under water in the process. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But is it teaching me about what I'm made of? Absolutely.

My note to anyone else In the Space Between:

Don't be afraid to embrace the crazy. It's in the moments of the unknown that we find out what we're truly made of.

Musically yours and forever cheering you on,

P. S. 

On instagram, @Caroline.N.Winds remains a slice of solace -- a place where we redefine our differences and discuss our passions, but the Dear Band Director Me Blog will be here for every musician who needs a moment to breathe and feel understood. Letters may vary in who they are addressed to, but this is still the same safe space for all.💙